


you lit up the sky, you etched yourself onto my heart

by Charante_Leclerc



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: M/M, but happy ending, slight depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:28:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21722932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charante_Leclerc/pseuds/Charante_Leclerc
Summary: Lando keeps watching with the rest of the world, and maybe that way he won't be noticed...
Relationships: Lando Norris/Carlos Sainz Jr
Comments: 8
Kudos: 95





	you lit up the sky, you etched yourself onto my heart

**Author's Note:**

> For anon, who requested "Lando falls completely in love with Carlos (bc of those mclaren videos and such) and one night just can't hold it in anymore". Hope you enjoy! ❤️

He couldn’t really believe that the season was coming to an end. He wanted to grasp it with both of his hands, hold onto it until the very last moment. This was what he’d been dreaming of his entire life, and if he wanted to be a little selfish and childish about it, he would be. His first full season, with the promise of at least a second. It was everything he’d wanted and more, he just didn’t want it to end. 

“Cabrón? You okay?” Carlos appeared at his shoulder, looking concerned. “You looked like you were thinking.”

“Fuck off, I can think.” Lando laughed, nudging Carlos with his shoulder. Carlos snickered, holding up his hands. 

“Okay, okay.” Carlos laughed. “I am sorry, that was bad. You can think, sometimes.”

Lando rolled his eyes, but the grin didn’t fade from his face. “Cheers mate. I feel so much better.”

“It is okay.” Carlos shrugged. “So what were you thinking of?”

“Stupid stuff. Just don’t want this all to finish, you know?” Lando could feel his ears starting to burn. He was admitting to his team-mate that he was scared of what came next, that he was being sentimental. “Did you feel this way, after your first season?”

“Of course. We work so hard to get here, it is natural we want to make the most of it. But you should not worry, you will have lots of seasons to enjoy. The break is as important as the season.”

“Look at you, all wise.” Lando teased. “Who are you and what have you done with Carlos?”

“You shall never know.” Carlos said seriously, before winking, walking away. “See you later, cabrón.”

Lando watched him go, his heart turning over in his chest.. It had taken him a while to realise how he felt about his team-mate, and he would be lying if it was part of the reason that he didn’t want the season to end. He didn’t know how much he’d see Carlos over the winter break, realistically he might not see him at all. He didn’t want to go from seeing Carlos almost every weekend to nothing. He’d live obviously, no-one ever died from pining, but just watching him on instagram or snapchat, it just wasn’t enough for him. He wanted as much as he could grasp, without letting Carlos in on his secret. The late night gaming sessions, or just spending any time with him away from the track, that would all disappear in front of his eyes, just like smoke. 

He wanted something real. 

~*~

The fireworks were erupting over the track, lighting up the night sky, sharply and searing into his mind. Brilliant reds and blues, crisp gold and white etching their way across the stars. He watched them for just a few seconds, sitting in his car and making no attempt to move. The season was over, and all he could focus on was his heartbeat, thudding in time to the fireworks above his head. He could vaguely hear the cheers from the stands, the smoke in the corner of his eye from whoever was spinning donuts. Lewis, no doubt. He exhaled, finally pulling himself out of his car, ready to face his team. He could feel the tears lurking, the pang of disappointment from knowing that he wouldn’t be stepping in this car again.  _ His _ car. He patted it, giving it a small rub, and let out a shaky exhale, before taking off his helmet. He could be strong, he had to be. 

“Lando!” Carlos was in front of him, beaming like the world had finally realised his worth. “Sixth place!”

“In the championship?” Lando asked, dumbstruck. “No way!”

“Yes way!” Carlos looked like he’d been set alight, burning bright. “I cannot believe it. I really cannot.”

“You deserve it.” Lando said honestly, dragging him in for a tight hug.  _ Close your eyes, commit this to memory _ . “You deserve it so much.”

“Our time will come.” Carlos sounded choked, and Lando could feel hands tightening on his overalls, just for a split-second, before Carlos was pulling back. “We’ll be on top of the world, do not worry.”

Lando watched as Carlos was pulled into a swarm of team-members, everyone cheering around him. “I think you’re already there.” He said softly to himself, watching Carlos lap up the praise. “You won’t wait.”

~*~

His head was fuzzy, and he could almost feel the world moving slowly around him. He should’ve been more careful, he knew how severe the laws could be if caught drunk, but there was a voice inside him telling him to keep drinking. He was one of the fastest men in the world, he was  _ untouchable _ . No-one would dare pick a fight with a team, there was too much face, too much prestige at stake. 

He saw Carlos over on a balcony, laughing at another man’s joke. He slumped further down into his seat, barely taking any notice of the rest of the room. Carlos was the only one in focus, the only one worth his attention. He wanted to be standing out there, Carlos laughing at  _ him, _ a hand reaching up to brush away hair from his face, leaning in…

_ Fuck _ , he’d definitely drunk too much. 

Carlos turned to look in the room, raising a hand when he saw him staring. Lando tried to smile, pushing himself off his seat, walking through the room to the exit. He didn’t see Carlos’s face fall, he didn’t see Carlos making his excuses, darting his way through the sea of people to catch up with him. 

Lando didn’t hear Carlos behind him, not until he was  _ right there _ , a hand on his back and startling him, making him stumble. He blinked, and Carlos had apparently caught him as he fell, and if there was anything remotely funny about the situation he’d been in hysterics. He was a literal damsel in distress, he was even  _ swooning _ . 

Carlos righted him, hands on his shoulders, and he looked upset. Why did he look upset? Carlos had been laughing as he left the party, he was sure of that. “No… why are you upset?”

Carlos frowned. “I’m not. I think you are though, Lando. You look sad.”

Lando shrugged. “Maybe. You should go back. You were having fun, with that guy. He looks nice, you should go have fun with him.”

“What man?” Carlos asked, confused. Lando groaned.

“The pretty man on the balcony. I get it, I really do. You’d have very pretty babies.”

Carlos gaped, and Lando screwed his eyes shut, covering his face with his hands. He was such an idiot. Stupid drunk mouth, stupid  _ him _ , why did he have to say that, such a fucking  _ idiot _ …

“I am going to take you back to your room.” Carlos said finally, spinning Lando on the spot. “I think you do not know what you’re saying.”

There was no need for a response, none needed to be said. He’d screwed up, Carlos must know how he felt now. This friendship was as good as dead, turning into ash the minute he’d opened his mouth. 

Carlos left him at his door, and left without a word. Lando watched him disappear down the corridor, and he was left alone again. He just wasn’t sure if it was forever this time.

~*~

He woke to an insistent knocking at his door, making him wince with every thump. “I’m coming!” He groaned, pushing himself upright, walking slowly across the floor. Memories of last night were already flooding back, hazy and almost not quite real, as if he was watching himself on a cinema screen, a private showing for one. 

He kept the lights off, squinting as he pulled the door open. All he could see was a silhouette against the bright lights. “Morning?”

“Close cabrón, but it is the afternoon.” Carlos smirked, pushing past into the room. “You look awful.”

“Cheers.” Lando sighed, looking around for a shirt he could throw on. “You always say such nice things.”

“No problem.” Carlos shrugged. “Lando, about last night -”

“I’m sorry.” Lando cut him off, tugging a shirt on. He took a shaky breath, looking up at Carlos. “I had way too much to drink, and I was feeling lonely…”

“Were you jealous?” Carlos asked the question quietly, but to Lando he might have well screamed it. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out. What could he even say? He could lie and say no, he’d been putting on this act for long enough, so why did that make him want to cry?

“Lando, please.” Carlos pleaded, and it was enough. Lando nodded, biting down on his lip to stop the tears, dragging in a shaky breath.

“Yes. Yes, I was jealous. I wanted to be that guy, I wanted to make you laugh.” 

“You always make me laugh.”

“No, I wanted to be the  _ only _ one to make you laugh. I want to be the one you turn to, I want to be one that you talk to first.” Lando wrapped his arms around himself, looking anywhere but Carlos. “I’m sorry, I get that you’re gonna want to stay away from me, just… don’t make this any harder.”

“Lando…”

_ “Carlos.”  _ Lando grit out.  _ “Please.” _

“Lando.” Carlos said, sounding closer. Lando opened his eyes, and Carlos was standing right in front of him, looking so sincere it made him ache. “I think you do not see yourself clearly.”

“What?”

“Lando, you are the first person I speak to in the morning, you are the person I think of last at night. You are all those things to me already, I think you never realised it.” Carlos raised a hand, brushing a stray lock of hair away from Lando’s face. “I have been waiting for you.”

Carlos leant in, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek, lingering just a second. “Do you still want me to leave, cabrón?”

Lando shook his head. “No.” He replied hoarsely. “No, please don’t.”

“Can I kiss you?” Carlos asked, waiting for Lando to nod before leaning in again, kissing him softly, a hand bracing around the back of his neck. Lando wanted to dissolve into this, but Carlos was  _ here _ . This was finally something he could hold onto, that something real he’d so desperately wanted. Carlos pulled back, smiling. “You okay, cabrón?”

Lando nodded, a slow, warm smile crawling across his face. “Yes. Yes, I think I am.”

~*~

It wasn’t until much later, when they’re both wrapped up warm in Jerez, breath showing in the icy air, that Carlos ever asks him why he had liked him in the first place. The whirrs of the engines fill the air, the scream of a car racing it’s way down the pit straight, and it helps him think. 

“It was those videos. Those McLaren ones, especially that food one. It was almost like you were teasing me.”

“I was teasing you.”

“Knew it.” Lando grinned, turning to look up at Carlos. “I think I’d known before that, but I can’t remember accepting it before then.”

“And it still took you the rest of the season to say something.” Carlos teased gently, resting his hand close to Lando’s, gloved fingers touching. “But it does not matter, we got there.”

Lando smiled, a warm feeling settling in his chest despite the cold. Carlos still looked like he carried the sun, a firework display just starting. But he’d been wrong, that last race. Carlos wasn’t leaving him, they’d make it together. That thought kept him anchored, and as he turned to look back at the track, a scarlet car flashing past them, he realised he had a little bit of that sunshine too.

**Author's Note:**

> So so sorry it's taken so long! Did not mean to postpone these all by a few months, but hopefully with this one done I should be getting back into the swing of it! It's taken about 6 attempts to get this one down in words, but it is finally done. 
> 
> As usual, crossposted to my tumblr (charanteleclerc), and prompts are always open! (I promise I do get round to them eventually!) Enjoy ❤️


End file.
